When I won the Kertesz Prize, I knew where I was going to go. I had previously lived for two years in Paris, so it wasn`t going to be a surprise, but I knew that personally it was going to be a challenge.
I have decided to realise, during these two months, six different projects. Despite all of the difficulties I have encountered, I have attempted to concentrate on work as much as possible. And because most of the time I was alone, in new situations and emotionally, I shared my thoughts and experiences with my journal. I knew that this period was going to be unique, in some ways.
So I was also shooting some daily life documentary pictures, besides the official series I have decided to make. These are the images of that trip, and the personal diary which accompanies them. I here present the first part of the journey.

At the conclusion of the residency I decided to stay in Paris. I returned to Budapest for a few days before moving into a small Parisian flat with fellow Hungarian photographer, Sari Ember. I was still working on some of my projects, but mainly I was looking for work like crazy. I sent out many CVs and motivation letters, without reply… I found it to be an exhausting period; waking up each day telling myself that, today, I`ll succeed. It was hard to play the optimist. The change began by the end of November, as I went to a few interviews, and I also met someone from Magnum who appeared to be very kind and helpful.

I had given myself 45 days from the beginning of October to find work, to reach something.

I came back to Budapest for 5 weeks in December. I had my exhibition opening at the Hungarian Institute in Paris on the 22nd January. And I had started to work at Magnum Photos as an intern, from the 25th January.

It is the end of May now. My contract has ended in Magnum. I regained my freedom again.
In the past 4 months I have lived in 4 different places. It was an incredibly tough period. And I am just flowing with the present, as time just goes by. It`s already summer, and it`s warm… Where did the cold winter days disappear? And my state of mind is one of freedom, that the future is an open window, not knowing what is coming up next… I only know one thing: that these past ten months have changed me. I have grown up. And I’ve started to turn white. The hard times have brought their results. I am exhausted.

In a short time, the trip ends, my diary ends, as I`m moving back to Budapest in a few weeks time. At least, for as long as the summer.
11 months of being away. 11 months of struggle. In a place that is called the City of Light, but there isn`t much light of hope in it. It`s hard, it`s really tough; there is misery, stink, indifference… Light? What light? What kind of utopia is this? …

A diary detailing eleven months. In this exhibition, I am showing the first two months of this trip.
Since then, I became tougher. And that change will probably be evident within the pictures that I have taken. There are no secrets, everything is open. It is only I who knows the truth anyway. As Truth is always one`s own truth.

…

You have to go back to know where you`re coming from.

Ildiko Peter
Paris, 27th May, 2010.